she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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