she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
