I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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