I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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