btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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