I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Never joke about your clitoris.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
