I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize