1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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