What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
