Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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