I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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