You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
