I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
