these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
