did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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