This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
