ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
