i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
