Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
