Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
