did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
