Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
