Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
