well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
