then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
