i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
