I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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