2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
