The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
