Already got asked if we're dating
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
