So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
