so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
