my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
