There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
