he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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