I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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