The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
