Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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