The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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