i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
