Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize