Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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