i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
