You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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