Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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