Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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