hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
