First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
