genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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