First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
