Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
