Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
