i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
