Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
sex in a hospital.. check
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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