My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
