you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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