My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
