Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
