So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
