Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
