before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
