Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
