tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
