I cockslap morals
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i am craving dick and cupcakes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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