I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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