Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I want is dick and wine.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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