I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
