it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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