Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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