I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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