I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
