Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
