i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
