it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
