my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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