he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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