he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
