You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
