The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize