i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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