I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
