A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
