Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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