you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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