I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
