If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
