I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
