Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
