I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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