He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
