Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
