A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
