Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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