you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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