I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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