Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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