i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
