If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
