? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She needs sedatives and a leash
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
