remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
