Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
