she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
